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I usually don’t blog about things I read but… This story is so perfect it is really hard not to. The story is about the little things that drive you crazy in a relationship and how people choose to battle them.

The story is from Wesley Goo’s blog. Wesley is an amazing motivational speaker, that has a lot to share with the world.

I hope you enjoy….

“I’ve never been a big fan of bathroom humor.”

It’s just never been my brand of humor. I’m much more conservative when it comes to bathroom etiquette. For some reason, that bothers people. I’ve been in endless discussions about whether it’s “ok” to, in an intimate relationship, use the bathroom with the door open. I’ve always been against an “open door policy” with regard to bathroom activities.

Since I’ve never been given to any discussion of bathroom activities, this subject is going to come off quite odd, especially for people that know me. Lessons can be learned in the oddest places and at the oddest times and while there is, I’m sure, a more refined (and clearer) way to share what I’m about to say … this is what came to my mind this evening so bear with me.

We’ve all, at some point, used up the toilet paper and have had to replace the roll. When installing a new roll of toilet paper, do you place it with the open leaf in the back (hence, pulling down from behind the roll) or with the open leaf in front (hence, pulling down in front of the roll)? Over or under?

I know what you’re thinking: “Who thinks about this kinda stuff?” Right? I know! I know! Just humor me for a moment. Usually, I just go with the flow as I’m sure many of you do. Whatever way it is upon arrival is the way you replace it. My girlfriend was raised placing the new roll with the open leaf behind the roll (under) whereas I was raised with the open leaf in front of the roll (over). She will place the roll the way she was raised every time. I will place the new roll the way I was raised every time.

We are products of our environment and how we were each raised by our parents. The smallest things can be a shining example of the differences b/w two people in a relationship. What is apparently so trivial can often be quite the conundrum. Which way do we place the new roll???

YOUR way or MY way?

Stew on that for a minute.

There are three options, as I see it.

1. The way we’ve always done it. Upon placing a new roll, I will continue to do what I’ve always done because it benefits me and she will do the same. Upon seeing the roll the way our partner does it, each of us will … just slightly… be annoyed.

2. Agree to a one way. We can agree – if we’re ever crazy enough to have this discussion – on a certain direction … but who’s way would we choose? I suppose the answer would be the person who’s less attached to the outcome would bend to meet the other person’s wishes. This is thoughtful and selfless for the person less attached but doesn’t really teach the person who is attached a lesson (let alone that the person has major issues if they’re THAT attached to the outcome of which way one’s toilet paper faces).

3. Do it the way your partner likes. Always place it whichever way your partner likes it. This is a selfless act for both parties and also demonstrates, to the other, that their partner has THEIR best interest in mind and not simply their own needs.

I don’t think I even need to relate how this connects to a relationship but to close the open loop I’ve created, I’ll continue.

There are three kinds of relationships that we often observe. Which one do you and your partner participate in?

1. It’s all about YOU. You do what’s best for you and they do what’s best for them. This is the most common as it comprises about 90% of all relationships. This is the most selfish approach to a relationship and will create massive problems now AND later. These are most marriages you see. You know the ones. You’d never want your relationship modeled after people who do this.

2. You both compromise. Sometimes we’ll do it your way, other times my way. This is definitely a step up from the first stage. Here, you spend your life in compromise feeling okay at times and frustrated at other times because you never know when it’s going to be YOUR turn to compromise.

3. Your needs ARE my needs. Here, you both have a service mentality. This is the highest form of relationship in which you do what’s best for the other person at all times. You do whatever it takes to love and serve them honoring them as a gift from God. If both parties train themselves to take this approach, no needs go unmet because each partner reaches out to meet their partner’s needs first.

So how did she and I resolve this matter? We didn’t … consciously, at least. She instinctively began turning the roll MY way and I began turning the roll HER way. It became automatic. We do what’s best for each other because we know, in doing so; in honoring the other person, our own needs are met and we continue to be blessed.

Why did I need toilet paper to make this point? I didn’t. Toilet paper is not the point. At the end of the day, the toilet paper issue is completely unimportant in relation to what IS important in life. It was simply what triggered this thought about relationships.

But next time you stare at that roll of toilet paper, think about what type of partner, friend, roommate, family member or guest you yourself are.”

Wesley Goo
www.wesleygoo.com
http://www.facebook.com/wesleygoo